Now I am really confused!!!

"Runing away is pointless"

 "But it's the only thing I know how to do."


!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stupid drama teacher
Making me do my drama in front of all the year sevens.
Most of which get on my bus.
Grrrrrrrrr!!!

And now blogger has decided to mess with my mind too.

Running away to hide now!!!!!

All I want is to know what's wrong. My dear. That is all I want!

When god closes a door he always opens a window.
If you cant find the window then your not looking hard enough.

My nanna used to say that a lot.
And like most of the things she said it's true.

My drama exam tomoz and my group is going to fail big time.
Emma forgot the music again and then wouldn't act it out properly anyway.
Grrrrr!
 All she had to do was get music and she couldn't be bothered doing that !
And of course me in my anger at her kicked a chair and hurt myself.
Because of course anger doesn't pay!

And now I have to go to Borth and stay in a rubbish hotel for the weekend.
Do my family think I have nothing better to do.
Do they think I want to spend 3 hours in the car listening to my dad swear at the other cars and get in a mood at everyone who trys to talk to him?
Cause I don't!!

I should study for my math exam.
But there's no point cause I shouldn't be in top set math.
I'm rubbish at math. I may go and ask my math teacher to not bother and just move me down now.
At least David with have a seat.
The only reason I haven't is cause I know my mum is going to kill me when she finds out I'm going down.
She has made it clear that she will not be happy at all if she hears I'm moving down in any subject.

I really don't want her to be mad at me. But there's no point in me being somewhere where everyone is better than me and deserves their place there.

Silly life !

"I'm always there for you, and I'll do whatever you say.
I'm always there if you need to talk.
I'll stand by you. Right or wrong.
and I'll always give you a hug.
Only problem is you don't want me there.
You don't think you need me there.
Cause you'd rather tell someone who doesn't really care everything.
Than you would tell me one little thing."

Letter to someone who thinks, I don't give a toss.
"Dear _________"


One day you'll play for me,
Like you have done for her.
So many times before.

One day you'll tell me
All she knows and more.
Cause you'll know I care for you more.

If you saw inside my head you'd know
I need you to talk to me more.
I'm not jealous.
I'm cold with hurt.
Because I know I'll never be as good as her.
You'll always love her more.
Cause I'll never be as good as her.

Hope is what holds us, when everything else shoots us down!

The school can go to hell!
and everyone who works for the school can go do each other down a dark hole and take all their exams and letters with them.
Drama was really depressing.
 It was all.

He told me he loved me
Don't you just still want to go hug them,
It could have been worse I lost my virginity to him

Not a mental image I wanted. Not a talk I wanted to listen to either.
But I couldn't leave so I just sat there like an idiot.

My nanna has a job helping as a vet.lol
Shes allergic to fur and feathers and she doesn't like snakes.
Someone tell me her point please?

Elin singing in my head.
Owww!
I need paracetamol.

I'm fed up of hurt now
Try telling god that
Do you think hes going to give a damn.
We get what we deserve.
Mine was just a long time in coming!

Haha.

Hope your happy kid!
God knows you deserve it.

' Happiness is something you need to grasp in two hands, before it's to late . So just go for it. Sing it. Be it. Live it.You are it'



Did you think it didn't hurt me?

Or that I wanted to feel like this?
Cause damn it girl I didn't .
Damn it girl I didn't!
I cared for you when no-one else would.
I didn't want what happened to me
To kill you.


I wanted to keep you away from all that.
But I could see it from the start.

That you were going looking for trouble.
And I was getting in your way.
Like I always did every day.


Did you think I wouldn't see the scars?
You wore upon your arm.


You showed everyone else.
But me.


Where you embarrassed or scared?
You knew I’d never agree
So you didn’t tell me the truth.
That all you wanted was the instant attention that your blood could give you.
You wanted him to notice you the way I never could.


Maybe I should be happy I inspired
Your web of lies.


You were going looking for trouble.
And I was getting in your way.
Sorry I got in your way
Like I always did every day.
Did you think I wouldn't see the scars?
You wore upon your arm.


My only smile in watching you fall
Was knowing that it did nothing for you at all.
He threw all your lies.
How did that feel?
To know that someone else knew you were unreal.


So show off the scars upon your arms.
And hope someone will fall for your charms.
Where you embarrassed or scared?
You knew I’d never agree
So you didn’t tell me the truth.
That all you wanted was the instant attention that your blood could give you.
You wanted him to notice you the way I never could.


So show off the scars upon your arms
Show off the scars that made you what you are.
Just show off your scars
Show off your scars.


XXX

Umm

God brings death upon us and the ones we love.
Not to make us feel alone.
But to show us how much we care for others and how precious an other life is.
 He shows us how much others love us and will help us in our hours of pain.
This therefore brings us to the fact that god makes sure we are never alone. 

Some old woman on songs of praise about a year ago.
Sorry I don't remember her name.

I finished my C.V so at least that's done.
My mum finished her midnight walk 10 minutes faster than last year. So well done her and anyone else who walked it.
My dad has taken over the TV for the day. So we have football and bikes on all day.
My brothers friend is at our house.They giggle like girls.

It's a nice day today, It's sunny and hot. Maybe a little to hot in places. But nice enough in my garden anyway.
As you can see I don't have much to say.
Other than my head still hurts.
I had a rather good blog planned today.
But CBA. I may do it later though.
For now I have to go cook.

No there was no point at all in me blogging. I just felt like it.
So anyway
ye
Bye
XX

Choke me in shallow water before I get to deep!

RELIENT K -"Who I Am Hates Who I've Been"




I talk to absolutely no one.

Couldn't keep to myself enough.
And the things bottled inside have finally begun
To create so much pressure that I'll soon blow up.

I heard the reverberating footsteps
Syncing up to the beating of my heart,
And I was positive that unless I got myself together,
I would watch me fall apart.


And I can't let that happen again
'cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been.


This is no place to try and live my life.


Who I am hates who I've been
And who I am will take the second chance you gave me.
Who I am hates who I've been
'cause who I've been only ever made me...

So sorry for the person I became.
So sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.

I like that song so anyway blogging.

My head hurts. I've taken about 6 paracetamols and it's still not working.
If anything it's worse.
And yet I'm also in a wired sentimental type mood!
Last time I was like this it took a week for me to snap out of it.
So sorry if I go wired on people in the next few days.
Then again this could be a good thing. You never know!

The first thing I thought was not porn , It was pamphlets. Yes English has finally gotten to me.

I think you should have a medal.
You say your selfish and I won't argue with you cause I'm not a mind reader and only you know what goes on in your own head.
But even if you are you still need a medal.
I'd get you one if I had the money or had the artistic ability to make one out of silver foil that may look anything near a medal.
Cause you should have one just for dealing with everyone + your own life+ the trees.

So yes by the end of the week there's a good chance everyone who has a blog will have something like that posted about them. I won't but names though because I'm wired like that. But you'll be able to guess anyway so it won't matter.

Laughs so sorry about that. 
Anyway
Have a good weekend
XX
hugs

Keep me safe inside your arms like towers , tower over me!!!!

Happy 21st wedding anniversary to my mum and dad.
My dads forgotten as usual.
My mum hasn't and she bought him something so he could find it when he got home from work when she wasn't here.
I think shes hoping to find something for her when she gets home from work tonight.
Sadly shes out of luck.
My poor mother!!!!

I'm never playing Would you rather...........?
With Cerys Danny and Conner ever again.
Bad mental pictures!!!


I can teach you how to smell the flowers.
I can show you how to while away the hours.
I can teach you how to burn the fields,
and I can show you how true pain feels.

Darling, I'm a bad person.
You've known that from the start.
I'm a bad person.
Don't let me touch your heart,
Cause it will bleed,
it will bleed.

I will take what I want,
when it suits my needs;
and I will hurt to succeed.

Darling,I'm a bad person,
You've known that from the start
Cause I'm a bad person,
If I touch your heart.
It's gonna bleed,
it will bleed

My heart is ice,
That will not thaw.
If your not careful,
I can make this happen to yours.

I'm a bad person.
Cause I'm gonna care about you.
I'll take your heart and it's gonna bleed.

Please don't give me your heart,
cause I'll tear it apart,
and it's gonna bleed.

Don't care about me. Cause,
I'll make your heart bleed.
It will bleed.
When I touch your heart.
I'll make it bleed.
It will bleed.

Midnight moon - I'll make your heart bleed.

XX
XX

I won't let you choke. On the noose around your neck!

"Love always comes with pain, it's only hard to tell the difference between the two"

You need to get rid of this hold he has on you.

Why?

Because it's wrong  for someone to have that much influence over you. You could destroy everything you've worked for everything you've always wanted since the day I met you. For one person who really doesn't see you as anyone special. You're just another task for him. To give him some sort of feeling of moral high ground. He's selfish and you are no different from anyone else he's helped , anyone else who claims to loves him. Just as much as you say you do. If anything your less than them, cause they've known him a lot longer than you have.Just wake up and look at it for one moment. He doesn't give a damn about you!

So. I'd rather through everything I have away for him Just to see him smile , To see him happy is like every Christmas and birthday I have ever had in one moment. I excepted a long time ago that I mean less than nothing to him because. He's brought me through some of my darkest days and  for that I owe him my life. And nothing you, him or anyone else for that matter can change that.

I like book quotes their fun!!!!

He he My drama works
It fits the time limit and we have music
Finally something goes right.
I'm happy it means all we need now is clothes.
=>

My dads being annoying so I've got to go cause he keeps saying I'm typing to loud.
It's his own fault he's in a mood cause he went on a 100 mile cycle yesterday, Then went to work today.
Silly man .

Anyway
Good-night!!!!!!!!!!!
XXXXXX

Remember me as I am now, Not who I become later.

Welsh then Math ,
Someone hates me!!!!!

I've noticed that watching your happiness made me feel happier today.
Laughter is the best medicine , Even if it's not me laughing.

Also I'm shit at talking to people. Not that I didn't already know that.
Just thought I'd put it on my blog while I remember. So next time I don't forget.


Midnight moon - 10 years down the line

You wrote it down on the walls
and yelled it from the rooftops.
John is gay , John is gay.
Little did you know 10 years down the line.
You'd be having John every night and your thinking
God this feels so right,
This all feels so right.

So he broke your heart
and left your mind in tatters
Only pain , only pain.
Little did you know 10 years down the line.
You'd have a man and three kids and your thinking 
God this feels so right
This all feels so right

Your dad hit he never loved you
He never once hugged you,
Never cared, never cared.
Little did you know 10 years down the line
He'd be begging you to save his life and your thinking,
God this feels so right,
This all feels so right.

Nanna you were a pathetic drunk
You loved the vodka to much.
Drink the bottle , Drink the bottle.
Little did you know 10 years down the line
You'd be 6 feet under and I'd be thinking
God this feels so right,
This all feels so right.

Don't believe that this is all there i.
Cause in 10 years time you'll feel differently
Everything will work differently
Cause in 10 years time you can walk differently 
In 10 years time you will be freed 
In 10 years time we shall be free
In ten years time,
In ten years time.

Today

Hey
So today I went to see Mamma Mia with my family.
It was really good. Me and my mum enjoyed it. My dad did to but he won't say that out loud. ,My brother said it would have been good if they stoped singing. Lol . Someone doesn't know the meaning of a musical.
Then we went shopping at Liverpool one, which was funny cause my family had no clue where they were going . But I had an idea cause I've been there before , and even when I  didn't know where I was I said I did . Just to look smart, And I managed to take them to all my favorite shops which was fun cause they didn't know I was doing it on purpose.

Hehe So yes I had a good day thanks and I'm happy !!!!!

So yes goodnight
God bless
Enjoy the rest of your day!!!!

Yes,Your a jerk, But that's why I love you!

Hehe physics exam today
I hope I did okay , I think I did anyway.

I just spent over an hour listening to two women bitching to each other .
I really wanted to tell them to shut up, and stop it cause sometimes they were doing really loud in front of a load of kids and that's not right.
And I'm the one who spends most of my time with the woman they were bitching about. So they had no right to complain about her anyway. [ even if some of it was true]
Grrrrrrs at them !

So yes anyway. My mum has got my family tickets to mamma mia live on Sunday.
That should be good. Were taking my dad to which will be funny.
He pretends he doesn't like it , But I've heard him sing to ABBA songs in the house,
and he sang Honey honey in the car on the way home on Wednesday.
Hehe silly man !!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway I got to go now
Have a great weekend !!!
XXXX

I'm going to blog this song at the end cause I like it and it reminds me of someone!

Bad day Daniel Powter

Where is the moment we needed the most

You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on


You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces every time
And I don't need no carryin' on


Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day


Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on


You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day

(Oh.. Holiday..)


Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong


So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost


Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Trust is a two way thing , once one of us burns the bridge neither of us can get to the otherside.

I should really be revising now.
But I can't be bothered ,so I said I had homework and now I'm on the laptop.
So yes I will regret this later , But for now I don't mind so we are good .
I have nothing of interest to blog about so I'm going to quote instead in the hope I will gain something from it.
Although I doubt I will.
So anyway,

Death is cold,
Love is colder.
Pain and empathy always fester
Within the love you held for me.
Tell me what I need to hear.
So I can let you go.

The solitude in silence is what you seek.
As the lies build the bridges to hate.
The cold keeps you breathing.
But you can't be living,
Because you have not the notion to speak.
Your instinct is shattered,
You don't think it matters,
But without it you cannot survive.

 Nobody needed - Midnight moon.

Hold me gently,
Lips that tremble. ( so much)
You said you'd never let go.
(ohhhh ohhhh)

The lie that crushed me should make me stronger than this.
But all I really feel is hurt.
(ohhhh ohhhh)

Did you really what this?
Cause there are easier ways to say good-bye,
To get rid of someone
You didn't have to lie! ( to get rid of me) 
You didn't need to say good-bye;
cause nobody needed to die,
Nobody needed to die
( Did anyone need to die?)
Why did you say good-bye?
like this my darling light,
Cause nobody needed to die
Under the cold moonlight.
Did anyone need this?
( No!)
Are they gonna believe this?
( No!)
Nobody needed to die

Break him like you broke her heart

Chemistry exam today .
I think I did okay in this one to I'm hoping for a high C or a B at the least
High hopes I know lol!!!

I hate people sometimes [ Yes I know I count as people]
They just take the piss .
It may be because science tells us that we evolved from animals and they came from Bacteria
Or from a Christian point of view humanity was basically made from Dirt.
So I guess that should tell me something on why people [including me] do the stuff they do.
Anyway uggggh!!!!

So you lied to me , Why?
Did you think I wouldn't find out or is it cause you don't trust me ?
I don't mind what excuse you want to give me at this point
But this time try and make it a good one.
And while your at it try not to turn it all back on me, and make me feel like rubbish.
Cause after a while it gets really boring!!!

Quotes are fun .....Sort of.

Anyway Night

A Thousand Words Savage garden

We stumble in a tangled web
Decaying friendships almost dead
And hide behind a mask of lies
We twist and turn and we avoid
All hope of salvage now devoid
I see the truth inside your eyes

So take all this noise to your brain
And send it back again
I'll bare the cost shed my skin
Call you up and then
I'll say the words out loud

You can resurrect a thousand words
To deceive me more and more
A thousand words will give the reason
Why i don't need you anymore

Time manipulates your heart
Preconceptions torn apart
Begin to doubt my state of mind
But i won't go down on what i said
I won't retract convictions read
I may perplex but I'm not blind

So take all this noise to your brain
Send it back again
I'll bear the cost shed my skin
Call you up and then
I'll say the words out aloud

You can resurrect a thousand words
To deceive me more and more
A thousand words will give the reason
Why i don't need you anymore

I'll say the words out loud
I'll say a thousand words or more
Manipulation fabrication
Conversation annihilation
I'll say a thousand words or more
Damnation frustration elevation procreation
I'll say a thousand words our more

You can resurrect a thousand words
To deceive me more and more
A thousand words will give the reason
Why i don't need you anymore

You can resurrect a thousand words
To deceive me more and more
A thousand words will give the reason
Why i don't need you anymore

It's not a war, no, it's not a rapture. I'm just a person but you can't take it.

Geography exam today it wasn't to bad to be fair 
( watch me fail now )

Anyway just to warn you I'm going to rant now.


Don't you just hate shit stirrers ( as my mum would say)
Do you really have to tell Bob what Jim told you last night
No you didn't , If you hadn't told Bob then Bob would be no the wiser.
But no you had to tell Jim.
I'd have told Bob if Bob had asked.
But the point was that Bob wouldn't have asked if you hadn't had pointed it out.

Also I have noticed I can't change like he wants me to
Just cause he asked me to.
I just can't do it.
and I'm sorry I can't
But I didn't think it was a bad thing that I care about someone as much as I do
I'd happily risk my life for him
But know I have to stop cause he doesn't like it.
Well I'll be damned if I change for him.
Just cause it concerns him
It also concerns my happiness
and according to Kate that is much more important than anything anyone else says.
and I have every right to care for him even if he doesn't feel the same.
And I can feel like this about someone without being in love with them......
or being a stalker
So ye.
Nuts to you.

Anyway
Goodnight

Stripes on a tiger are hard to change .

We only truly regret what we can never take back.

I prayed last night. Alone.
I haven't prayed for ages , and the last time I did was cause I felt I had to.
But last night I did.
I'm not sure why I did it cause I know it won't change anything.
Guess that's my inner Cristian coming out.
Once I'd finished I thought, cause I knew I had to at that point and I wasn't going to sleep again until I did.
It wasn't fun.
But I got there

Nothings your fault Unless it you do it with your own hands .
Every person has a choice.
Even if you influence them in someway way.
It's still their decision.
And I know I'm in the wrong.
and I'm sorry for that.

Also a big Hi to Hannah ffiseg revision was fun
I'm not sure I learned much though!
lol!!!!!

Love you all
XXXXXX

I'll clean away the blood,So you can pretend you can't see the scars .

Have you ever walked up to ppl and they just go quiet and look at you and then look away and share a look between them.
And in that one second you realise that they really don't want you there.
And in the second second you also realise they were talking about you and it obviously wasn't good .

Well that's happened to me 3 times today.

After a while it gets really annoying.
I just really wanted to tell them to just say it to my face and get it over with.
I didn't I just stood in the tension.
Cause although they don't have the balls to tell me they were talking about me ,  
                                         
 I don't have the balls to tell them I know they were talking about me.

Anyway .........
That is all I had to say boring I know .

So ummmmh.
Bye bye

Hey

So I haven't really blogged in a while.
Mostly cause I don't have anything to blog about.
I had a week off school and did nothing at all.
One long lonely weekend .
I shouldn't complain though.
I went to the beach on Saturday and got sunburned, Fun .
Hopefully I may find something good to blog about next time I blog .
So someone might have something to read.

I'm going to quote now to fill in the space now.

Divine Demolition

Divine Demolition,
Cause pain is precision,
Say you care that I'm living
When you've got my head in the noose.



Here to all the people
Who walk just like me.
Here's to all the depressed and lonely.
To the one's who think blood holds the key.
You're not alone.
Their are people like you and me.
The only one's that understand
Are the ones who feel the same way.