If you close your eyes, does it almost feel like nothing changed at all?

Just that really.
Have you ever just stopped and thought I have nothing to show for the past 3 years of my life. Not so much on a memories/emotion level.
But to others as in accomplishments and achievements. I have done nothing in the last few years.
I have no job. Still in education living with my parents. Nothing to show if I died  tonight that I didn't have years ago. If anything I have less.
I have life experience now but its almost a secret. Who else knows about that? No-one.
Sitting in the same spot with a laptop.
I have more but I have less.
 Not necessarily a bad thing but not necessarily a good thing either. Just a thing ... an observation so to speak.
Too make me wonder what I will be doing 3 years from now. If I will be doing the same thing. If I will have more but less.

Bastille-Pompeii

We were caught up and lost in all of our vices
In your pose as the dust settled around us

And the walls kept tumbling down
In the city that we love
Grey clouds roll over the hills
Bringing darkness from above

But if you close your eyes,
Does it almost feel like
Nothing changed at all?
And if you close your eyes,
Does it almost feel like
You've been here before?
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?
If you close your eyes

Eh-eh-o eh-o [4x]

Oh where do we begin?
The rubble or our sins?
Oh where do we begin?
The rubble or our sins?

How am I gonna be an optimist about this?

'The pain of it all, the rise and the fall see it all in you'

Memories and lyrics welll lyrics that hold memories.

Three Days Grace — Lost In You lyrics


I always knew that you'd come back to get me
And you always knew that it wouldn't be easy
To go back to the start to see where it all began
Or end up at the bottom to watch how it all ends

You tried to lie and say I was everything
I remember when I said "I'm nothing without you"
I'm nothing without you

Somehow I found a way to get lost in you
Let me inside
Let me get close to you
Change your mind
I'll get lost if you want me to
Somehow I found a way to get lost in you

You always thought that I left myself open
But you didn't know I was already broken
I told myself that it wouldn't be so bad
But pulling away it took everything I had

Three Days Grace — Just Like You lyrics


'I could be cold

I could be ruthless
You know I could be just like you

I could be weak
I could be senseless
You know I could be just like you

You thought you were sitting beside me
Your were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you

You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you
You thought you were there to guide me
You were only in my way
You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you

On my own, cause I can't take liven with you
I'm alone, so I won't turn out like you
Want me to'

Three days grace-Time of dying lyrics

On this bed I lay

Losing everything
I can see my life passing me by
Was it all too much
Or just not enough
Wake me up, I'm living a nightmare

I will not die (I will not die)
I will survive



k

Do it for the living and do it for the dead, do it for the monsters under your bed

A cobbled to together blog full of cobbled together thoughts.
'Your so nice and your so smart your such a good friend, I'll have break your heart. I'll tell you that I love you then I'll tear your world apart just pretend I didn't tear your world'

and

'Loose lips might sink ships but loose kisses take trips
To san francisco, double dutch disco,
Tech tv hottie, do it for scotty
Do it for the living and do it for the dead
Do it for the monsters under your bed
Do it for the teenagers and do it for your mom
Broken hearts hurt but they make us strong'

'I-I-ah-I-I can't get you out of my head

God knows I've tried
But I just can't forget
Those crazy nights and
All the things that we did
I-ah-I-I can't get you out of my head'


'You've got all that I need
Looking at all or nothing
Babe it's you and I
With you I know that
I am good for something
So lets go give it a try
We got our backs against the ocean
It's just us against the world
Looking at all or nothing
Babe it's you and I'


'A year ago it was different, a year ago it was odd
A year ago I hated you, a year ago you were gone.
A year ago and you shot me, gun cocked, pushed into my heart.
you stamped on my soul as you left me. A year ago you tore me apart.

Yesterday you found me a year and a day apart. You swore that you didn't mean it,
when you poked out the beating of my heart.
I used to close my eyes and picture you bending the fabrics of my life.
But a year and a day makes a difference, your key doesn't fit in the lock
A year ago you weren't sorry, a year and a day and I am not.'

A song from my childhood (because I can say that now)

2002- God I feel old, lol

I'm With You-Avril Lavigne


I'm standing on a bridge
I'm waiting in the dark
I thought that you'd be here by now
There's nothing but the rain
No footsteps on the ground
I'm listening but there's no sound

Isn't anyone trying to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home?

It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand?
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I... I'm with you
I'm with you

I'm looking for a place
I'm searching for a face
Is anybody here I know
'Cause nothing's going right
And everything's a mess
And no one likes to be alone

Isn't anyone trying to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home?

It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand?
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I... I'm with you
I'm with you

Oh why is everything so confusing
Maybe I'm just out of my mind
Yeah-he-yaa, yeah-he-yah, yeah-he-yah, yeah-he-yah, yeah!

It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand?
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I... I'm with you
I'm with you

Take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I... I'm with you
I'm with you

Just a little whisper to say ...... I think about you every day.
Just a little thought of my own...... I miss you now that you are gone.

R.I.P B.E.J
x

But mummy I'm not tired

My first iPod blog so I am sorry for any mistakes.
So blogger I may be here awhile because I can't sleep.which is annoying because I am very tired and I will feel horrid when I get up for college tomorrow.
So what's new with me ?
Not a lot
However my cousin is engaged to her boyfriend.
Which has made me think (probably why I can't sleep) she is still 18 and she will be for another month. That makes about ten months older than me. It's wired to think about it. Me who hasn't had a 'relationship' for over a year and her engaged. In ten months time I doubt very much that I will be anywhere near engaged and I don't think I would really want to be either.
It has made me wonder though......hmmmm

The things that run through ones mind.

Do you ever catch yourself thinking what if?
I have, I think everyone does even people who say they don't believe in regret or feel that they regret nothing.
Surly you regret somethings, I do. I don't dwell on them too much but they do catch me out. When a song comes on that reminds you of someone. Or when you lie in bed at night and think, I wish I had said that.
Regreting something makes us human and means that if the same thing happens in the future we can stop making the same mistake twice.
My regret right now. Buying soup. I thought ohh yum soup if I buy it from here I won't have to buy it form college and its cheaper oh great.
There was a reason it was cheaper. It tastes like soil.
and now I no not to waste a pound on it again. (Though god know what I will do with half a cup of cold soup now)
I also really want pizza because the 'lovely' people at youtube played me an advert for Dominos. I have had Dominos once in my life  so I don't want one of those in particular. I just want a pizza.
With extra cheese
yum


Heres an extract from a song that creates so many thoughts and memories good and bad everytime I hear it.

Tell me everything - Just Surrender

So white out the memories

of each sarcastic shot you took at me
With your hurtful tones and biting melodies

Just one more outburst
and I'm leaving you like you left me one year ago
and I know that this could never be an apology from you

A meaning buried
under shuttered breathing
Its taking too long for me to spit it out

Tell me everything will be alright
Close your eyes and dream of me tonight
Tell me that you won't just fade away
Cross my heart and hope to die tonight I'll dream my pain away

I'll let the lack of words speak for me
the way I am I can't express or understand
I'll take the time now to make you see (you see)

Tell me everything will be alright
Close your eyes and dream of me tonight
Tell me that you won't just fade away
Cross my heart and hope to die tonight I'll dream my pain away

I see through your lies, they're bleeding from your eyes.

Not ,much to report

Happy new year
It's a bit late but anyway.
Its parents evening tonight, yay!
How much trouble can I get in in the space of half an hour. Its like a game show.
Sitting there hoping to god that some things don't come up like say not bothering or late homework and of course the phrase uttered in very parents evening and report I have ever been too.
She is very quiet in class
Urgh wish me luck.
or at least pray for snow =)