Not much point in this.

Why am I crying?
I'm really not sure whats wrong with me.
MMMMM
I'm also not sure why I'm blogging either.
Other than to tell you that the ppl I was babysitting for gave me 30£.
I was happy and they told me they had another job for me next week if I wanted it. So more food for me.
I'll be the size of 4 houses by the time I go back to school.


I did nothing today.
So ye nothing to report.
Ummmm....

Sorry that was a really pointless blog.

Gdnight.

It's me!!!!!!!! Well who did you expect.

I'm babysitting at the moment . They said I could use the Internet and help myself to their TV, and food.
So that's what I'm doing.
The dads a chef and he said I could eat anything in the top of the fridge cause he brings it from his work and his family are sick of it.
His brownies and cakes are to die for. I have eaten way to much. But I don't care cause it's damn good food.
Other than that I've done nothing.
The kids in this house are to well-behaved it's almost unnatural.I'm expecting the house to get set on fire or something cause they are like to good. I know I shouldn't complain. But it's not right. Their in bed and asleep.
It's like ohhh.
This is the easiest job I've done in ages.
HAHA!!!
I don't even care how much they pay me.
XXXXXXX


It's colder in the cupboard.

Ellis's monologue


I can't put it into words how your tears make me hurt.May be my reasons for this are selfish because if you don't hurt I don't hurt. But that's to simple. Even when you  don't hurt I worry. These feelings go beyond the normal calls of friendship. Beyond even the normal calls of love. My constant need to be sure that you are not in pain is a compulsion. I have met nobody on this earth who can say they feel as I do. To at least know that another can rely on you is the best feeling I own. It's the only one that makes me believe I have any good left inside my barren misused body, and when you do open up to me for a second I believe I am not the person I have become. That I am as caring and kind as you. I have a purpose and that is to listen and to be aloud to understand ,you. How you live and think and act and just be.
I what you to be happy. Even if that meant you hurting me I'd take it ,If it makes you feel better.
If you being happy meant you never wanting to see me again I'd do it. I'd run and hide and never darken your door again as long as I knew you were happy and safe.
I wish you knew this but if I told you I know what you'd think.What anyone would think.Even if I begged you and told you it was not like that. You wouldn't believe me. So I just won't tell you. I'll say only one thing to you and that is I'm always there for you. No matter what.  Even if you never know how true that is, as long as you know I'm here that's all that really matters.

HIM-Join Me

Baby join me in death

Baby join me in death
Baby join me in death


We are so young
our lives have just begun
but already we´re considering
escape from this world
and we've waited for so long
for this moment to come
were so anxious to be together
together in death


Won´t you die tonight for love
Baby join me in death
Won´t you die
Baby join me in death
Won´t you die tonight for love
Baby join me in death


This world is a cruel place
and we´re here only to lose
so before live tears us apart let
death bless me with you


Won´t you die tonight for love
Baby join me in death
Won´t you die
Baby join me in death
Won´t you die tonight for love
Baby join me in death


this live ain´t worth living
this live ain´t worth living
this live ain´t worth living
this live ain´t worth living


Won´t you die tonight for love
Baby join me in death
Won´t you die
Baby join me in death
Won´t you die tonight for love
Baby join me in death

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me.

I finally got Blogger to work for me.
=)
So
On Wednesday my dad came home from his holiday.
He went to Brighton to a gay bar and came home with  3 guys numbers.
I mean 3!
I thought you men had at least some taste.
I mean yes my mum married him.
 But that was 21 years ago and at that time my mum wasn't wearing her glasses so you can't really blame her.
Also my dad used to work out at that time and both my mum and dad worked so they didn't see each other much.
3 numbers !!!!
Thats just wrong ppl really really wrong.

On Saturday I when to town with Hannah.
Lol It was really fun .
Psychiatric tales by Darryl Cunningham
Well worth a read in my opinion.
And sitting in the large print section in the library with sweets reading for an hour.
Is a damn good way to avoid the rain.

Sunday was family party
Not much fun I ended up with the choice
Sit in the kitchen with my uncles and my dad while they make homophobic comments and be just generally annoying.
Or sit in the living room while they all talk about me like I'm not there and my nanna insults me.
Neither where a great option so I ended up in the bathroom.
Not the best place in the world but better than the other two places.

So yes other than that I've done nothing else.

Yes boring I know.
One week down
Many more to come!!!

XXXXXXX

Blink 182-Miss you

Hello there, the angel from my nightmare,

The shadow in the background of the moor,
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
We'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in the night we'll wish this never ends
We'll wish this never ends

(I miss you, miss you)
(I miss you, miss you)


Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep, I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
And as I stared I counted
The webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
And hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight


Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you)

Stuff and a story...........Sort of.

So yes I've posted part of a story here.
And ye read it if you want. 
If you do you should know that the stuff in italics are in her head and the rest is reality.
So yes anyway I think thats it. If not just tell me.
Ohhhhh
and it's called
In her my head.
If you wanted to know.
So ye story then.


The silence is cold and crushing. The wind is hitting hard and the clouds have covered the sun.

I’ve let him lead so far.
Men like to lead. Makes them think their in charge.
But now I want to look at him more. I need to see how he feels rather than breath in the harsh quiet as it takes over each noise.
Just stop!
So I stop and turn on a slight angle. So I can see his face without looking like I want to look at him.
“So”
He stops too. He looks at me. I feel the wind die down.
“So that’s all that’s wrong really wrong.”
He still looks at me.
Have I said something wrong? Have I asked too much of him?
He’s still looking at me.
Say something quick.
“I guess I just needed someone to--------” and so my voice fails me. The tears start to fill my eyes. I feel the sobbing rise from deep inside me.
     He’s looking at me. His hand touches mine. He knows I’m upset. I let the tears over come me and the sobs fill the air. He pulls me into him. His arms tighten around me. His warmth covers me and feeds into my body. Warming all the cold that lives within me, and making my heart thaw and expand to every thought in my head. The clouds pull away; the sun explodes through the sky. So when my eyes clear of tears I see the bright arms of heaven, reaching out and covering us in it’s white light. He pulls away so I’m facing him. His deep, perfect eyes look straight into mine. The sunlight frames him. He looks like an angel, my angel. He takes the side of his sleeve and wipes away my tears. He smiles his warm gentle smile. Then he pulls me back into him and hugs me again. I have one of those very rare moments in life, were I feel completely safe inside his arms, because I know he won’t let anything hurt me.
     “I don’t really know what to say.” His voice cuts into my thoughts like a harsh dagger through a baby’s chest.
Don’t talk then. Just hug me.
He looks away.
Damn it. Look this way at me please. I’m still here.
I hear him sigh. I blink back my tears and swallow my sobs.
I need him.
I step towards him, and reach out to touch his back.
He turns back before I can make contact.
He looks at me again, His eyes perfect as ever try and look at me. But they fail in their task.
Please don’t deny me. I want to feel warm again.
“It’s okay.” I mutter through my teeth.
“No it’s not I’m not much good with words”
“Nor am I.” I manage a half laugh. A fake laugh.
I’ve seen you hug people before. Why am I so different from them?
I need you too.
New tears fall from my eyes. Not from the grief and pain of the subject as they were before. But from having the promise of human compassion and warmth being taken away from me. I could feel the self hatred burn into me.
I wanted him. I needed him. Why? Didn’t he see that?
He starts to walk away. I follow him.
Men like to lead.
I know where we are going now.
Back to them. To happiness I don’t need.
    He can’t stay with you. Do you think he wants to stay with you while you’re all depressed .Cause I don’t think he would?
He wants to be with people who are happy. He doesn’t want to be all heavy and cold today. He wants people who are alive with emotions you can never have. Leave him be with them. You have know right to even think of keeping him longer than he needs to be kept. They have more right to him than you ever will in a thousand years.
He doesn’t want to help you.
Get over yourself.
   So I do. We walk until we get there in silence. I can’t take anymore talking anyway.
The laughter hits like a hurricane.
They are his happiness.
Not you.
So he smiles. His smile and his perfect eyes shine like they do in my thoughts.
Why can’t I make him smile like that?
The sun still hides under the clouds.

Yes, I know, I'm a selfish. I also know saying that was selfish too!

Will someone please shoot me.
I would really like that right now.
I don't know wtf is wrong with me lately.
I should be happy , Why aren't I ?
I need to be happy for him , for them, for everyone.
So why am I so jealous, and pissed off,and Arrrgh!!
Why won't I stop?
Is it possible to drive myself insane?
Cause I seem to be doing it.
Is there a line I can draw at some point.
Please
cause I really need to draw one before I go to far...........again.
Sometimes I wish I was a little kid again.
Then I remember my childhood sucked!
I hate me.
I'm sorry.  I'm being really annoying.
I'll stop soon.
I hope...........


Summer holidays has officially begun.
To give you an account of what I've been doing over the last few days it's
Sleep,
Eat,
Go for a walk,
Eat,
Watch Tv,
Sleep,
And so it goes on.
Long and boring ..........................
But hey-ho.
Why is it raining all the time. What happened to summer sun?
Stupid Great British summer!!

So anyway.
I'm done.
Have a nice summer
miss you all
XXXXXXX

I have my cookie.

I tried to be someone else
But nothing seemed to change
I know now,this is who I really am inside.

30 Seconds to mars- The kill


Your last resort

Tell me all your melancholia .
I'll sit and nod my head.
Pull all the right faces in all the right places.
Keep my thoughts inside my head.

I know of the nightmares that you fear.
They live inside your eyes ,it's clear.
Bet you thought I was ignorant.
Didn't you my dear.

Tell me that you don't need to talk.
Cause I know I'm your last resort.
Shut my door and lock it tight.
You'll talk to someone else tonight.

I know of the nightmares that you fear.
They live inside your eyes ,it's clear.
Bet you thought I was ignorant.
Didn't you my dear.

I still wish I had what you had.
Cause your life ain't that bad.
At least your not alone tonight.
If you don't want to be.

So go be self-destructive.
If you really have to be.
But I hope one day you'll wake up and find.
You've got a whole lot more than me.

I know of the nightmares that you fear.
They live inside your eyes , it's clear.
I bet you thought I was ignorant.
Didn't you my dear.

( last resort,last resort)
I bet you thought I was ignorant.
cause I'm your last resort.
(last resort,last resort. Caused I'm your last resort)

My dads gone on holiday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

XXXXXXX

Friends are family by choice.

Eminem-Love the way you lie.
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn

Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie.

Alton Towers today was good fun !
Watching the teachers on Hex was so funny
Sion Williams looked like he was going to be ill.
Hehe!!! glad I went.

Hope the rest of you had a good day.

My dad leaves tomoz.
Whooooooo!!!!
And he'll be gone till Monday at least!!!
FREEDOM

I should be angry with you.
But I'm not
Why?
I kind of wish I was
It may stop the burning pain inside me.
But I can't be angry cause I blame myself as much , if not more than you.

My uncle took my nanna's car keys off her again cause she was so pissed she couldn't stand up.
Haha.
The roads of wales are safe again!!!
Glad he took then, she deserves it.
Bitch!!!!
Talking of my nanna.
Her cat has left bruises.
lol!!
XD

My dad said whoopsie!
Lol
I got yelled at for laughing.
It was still funny though.


XXXXXXXXX

You're staring into space, and every inch of silence.

It's my nannas birthday tomorrow.
It is wired that I've got to sit through 2 birthdays in 2 days .
Both with different meanings behind them.
One is just grief and memories I'd rather forget.
The second is just the sound knowledge that another year older is just another year closer to their death. In which ever way the world decides to take her.

I miss you kid.
Sorry but I do.
:$

Anyway ............
My dad leaves in 3 days!!!!
Mwhahaha.

Kiss her quickly .
No need for a goodbye.
Don't spare a thought for the tears she will cry.
Wait along the mountain side , and say your gonna be alright.
Tie the rope and hold it tight.
Cause you you weren't going home that night.

Would you still say you loved me like you used to back then?
Would I still dream of you like I have to every night?
Would I still need you like I need you now?

Unanswered questions better left unsaid to a mind that dances with the dead.

She'll spend every birthday.
Wishing you were near.
Every anniversary will leave her in tears.
She'll wait along the mountain side ,wishing that you were alright.
She'll look at the sun and hold herself tight.
Cause you never went home that night.

Would you still say you loved me like you used to back then?

Would I still dream of you like I have to every night?
Would I still need you like I need you now?

Unanswered questions better left unsaid to a mind that dances with the dead.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

You hug the world and I 'll watch you all from a distance.

My sorry song

Honey, You don't need me.
But darling never leave me.
Don't let go.

I'm sorry that I care so .
Guess I wanted you to know.
That I'm always there for
you. 

So guess you should shoot me.
Cause I did nothing wrong.
This is my sorry song.

Cause darling say you need me.
Say you'll never leave me.
Say you'll catch my tears when they fall.
Let me see what you see
I wanna be what you be.
And most importantly don't let me go.
Don't let me go.

My only problem was caring
So sorry for sharing.
What you found so wrong.

It's not like I'm in love with you.
All I wanted was to be there for
you.
I know you need me as much,as I need
you.

Cause darling say you need me.

Say you'll never leave me.
Say you'll catch my tears when they fall.
Let me see what you see
I wanna be what you be.
And most importantly don't let me go.
Don't let me go.
Don't let me go.

Parents evening yesterday!!
The math teacher was nice to me.
Scared face!

Stupid fake job interview thing today.
My man was nice.
He gave me all A's and told my head of year that it was the best interview he's had in years!
I don't know what I did right .
But it must have been good.

Stupid Drama teacher!
Made me take his recycling in my heels.
Next time he can take his own.

The Wanted -All Time Low

Praying won't do it
Hating won't do it
Drinking won't do it
Fighting won't knock you out
Of my head


Hiding won't hide it
Smiling won't hide it
Like I ain't tried it
Everyone's tried it now
And failed somehow


So when you gonna let me
When you gonna let me out - Out


And if you know
How do you get up from an all time low
I'm in pieces
Seems like peace is
The only thing I'll never know
How do you get up
Get up


‘Cos driving won't do it
Flying won't do it
Denying won't do it
Crying won't drown it out

What you said


But if you know
How do you get up from an all time low
I'm in pieces
It seems like peace is
The only thing I never know
How do you get up from an all time low
I can't even find a place to start
How do I choose between my head and heart
Till it ceases I never know
How do you get up from an all time low

Twist me and turn me and take me to hell. I looked in the water and I saw the devil himself.

You're a falling star, you're the get away car.

You're the line in the sand when I go too far.
You're the swimming pool, on an August day.
And you're the perfect thing to say.


And you play it coy but it's kinda cute.
Ah, when you smile at me you know exactly what you do.
Baby don't pretend that you don't know it's true.
'cause you can see it when I look at you.


[Chorus:]
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, you make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.


You're a carousel, you're a wishing well,
And you light me up, when you ring my bell.
You're a mystery, you're from outer space,
You're every minute of my everyday.


And I can't believe, uh that I'm your man,
And I get to kiss you baby just because I can.
Whatever comes our way, ah we'll see it through,
And you know that's what our love can do.




And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times

It's you, it's you, you make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.


So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, you make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.
You're every song, and I sing along.
'Cause you're my everything.
Yeah, yeah


So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

Michael Buble= Everything


For all of you who say you got it rough.
At least you got someone.
At least you got someone.
For all of you who say you have it tough.
At least you got someone.
At least you got someone.

Who'll hold you at the end of the day,
and tell you " Babe it'll be okay"
Someone who'll make you feel alright.             ( At least you got someone)
Someone who'll make you laugh.                    (At least you got someone)

When you just want to cry!

Throw me away like you'll do everyday.
You don't need me.                                      ( Where is my someone)
You got them anyway.                                  ( At least you got someone)

Until they throw you away.
It don't matter cause I'm there for you anyway.
At least you got someone.
You got them and me.                                ( At least you got your someone)
At least you got someone                           ( Where is my someone)
But there's no-one for me.

Midnight moon= Someone for me


Just a quick Happy Birthday to my mum!!!
LoL

Twist me and turn me and take me to hell. I looked in the water and I saw myself.

When you talk to me.I can feel my heart bleed.

Keep to your caste; and be too self-respecting to lavish the love of the whole heart,soul,and strength, where such a gift is not wanted and would be despised.

Jane Eyre Volume 2 Chapter 2

Borth is a rather wired place . There's the sea and the beach and then a street running along opposite the beach and then behind the street there are fields and mountains and trees.
It's nice though we used to go there all the time when I was little. I liked it there and I still do. I like how clean the sea is and the contrast between the beach and the mountains. I also like the old church which I used to walk to every time I went with my dad when I was little. I when there again only without my dad this time. My dog liked it though.
I remember when I was younger I had an obsession with the windmills on top of the mountains. I always wanted my dad to take me up there to see them cause it was to far to walk and my mum didn't drive back then.
And one day he took me cause Gwyn made him. I loved it up there...........


Yes anyway I'm boring you by talking like I'm 90 or something.
Lol!!!!!!!!!!

So yes I had a nice weekend in short.
I spent a small fortune on the Internet on my phone. Just reading ppls blogs . But it was worth it.

Hope you all had a nice weekend.
=)


Shadows fill an empty heart where love is fading ,from all the things that we are. But are not saying.
Westlife : What About Now

I'll Be There For You (Theme From Friends)




It's like you're always stuck in second gear

And when it hasn't been your day
Your week
Your month
Or even your year, but


I'll be there for you
When the rain starts to fall
I'll be there for you
Like I've been there before
I'll be there for you
Cos you're there for me too



xxxxxx

Love is noise, Love is pain.

Teach me how to play the tune

To save your heart from the darkness that looms
Show me how to you really care and i will save your soul.

"He broke your heart . So you can have mine."
" Dont you need it?"
"No, You can have it . I don't use it much these days anyway. In fact I haven't used it in a while."

I'll give you my heart if it makes your smile come back.

I'll give you my soul as a back up for when he breaks yours


Every rose has it's thorn.
But every night has it's dawn,
and every flower will always bloom.
So we'll pretend it's just for you.
But darling,evey rose may have it's thorn.
But every night shall have it's dawn.
But it will happen just for you
Darling , It'll always happen for you
Cause in the night you have the moon.
It will always happen for you.
I will make it happen for you.

Now I have to go on holidays
Have a great weekend ppl!!!
love you all!!!!

My dreams tell me I need you. My heart tells me you'll just hurt me again.

'I lost you an age ago. But it still hurts to see you move on.'

'Your eyes are like the words from a book, easy to read. But as deep as a Shakespeare classic.'

'Sunshine is what I see every time you smile. Pity I can never put it there.'

Hehe I'm bored.

I'm going to Borth tomoz. Not fun!
But o well. Ti's life.

At least I don't have anymore exams anymore.

I walked a load of year sixes to and from the bus stop today.
I'm trying to get as many good deeds in as possible.
Then good things should happen in return. Hopefully!

But......... If I'm doing good things so good stuff happens to me. That's being selfish.
Therefore Bad stuffs going to happen instead.

Meh I can't win !

Anyway have a good weekend!
XXX