So yes I've posted part of a story here.
And ye read it if you want.
If you do you should know that the stuff in italics are in her head and the rest is reality.
So yes anyway I think thats it. If not just tell me.
Ohhhhh
and it's called
In her my head.
If you wanted to know.
So ye story then.
The silence is cold and crushing. The wind is hitting hard and the clouds have covered the sun.
I’ve let him lead so far.
Men like to lead. Makes them think their in charge.
But now I want to look at him more. I need to see how he feels rather than breath in the harsh quiet as it takes over each noise.
Just stop!
So I stop and turn on a slight angle. So I can see his face without looking like I want to look at him.
“So”
He stops too. He looks at me. I feel the wind die down.
“So that’s all that’s wrong really wrong.”
He still looks at me.
Have I said something wrong? Have I asked too much of him?
He’s still looking at me.
Say something quick.
“I guess I just needed someone to--------” and so my voice fails me. The tears start to fill my eyes. I feel the sobbing rise from deep inside me.
He’s looking at me. His hand touches mine. He knows I’m upset. I let the tears over come me and the sobs fill the air. He pulls me into him. His arms tighten around me. His warmth covers me and feeds into my body. Warming all the cold that lives within me, and making my heart thaw and expand to every thought in my head. The clouds pull away; the sun explodes through the sky. So when my eyes clear of tears I see the bright arms of heaven, reaching out and covering us in it’s white light. He pulls away so I’m facing him. His deep, perfect eyes look straight into mine. The sunlight frames him. He looks like an angel, my angel. He takes the side of his sleeve and wipes away my tears. He smiles his warm gentle smile. Then he pulls me back into him and hugs me again. I have one of those very rare moments in life, were I feel completely safe inside his arms, because I know he won’t let anything hurt me.
“I don’t really know what to say.” His voice cuts into my thoughts like a harsh dagger through a baby’s chest.
Don’t talk then. Just hug me.
He looks away.
Damn it. Look this way at me please. I’m still here.
I hear him sigh. I blink back my tears and swallow my sobs.
I need him.
I step towards him, and reach out to touch his back.
He turns back before I can make contact.
He looks at me again, His eyes perfect as ever try and look at me. But they fail in their task.
Please don’t deny me. I want to feel warm again.
“It’s okay.” I mutter through my teeth.
“No it’s not I’m not much good with words”
“Nor am I.” I manage a half laugh. A fake laugh.
I’ve seen you hug people before. Why am I so different from them?
I need you too.
New tears fall from my eyes. Not from the grief and pain of the subject as they were before. But from having the promise of human compassion and warmth being taken away from me. I could feel the self hatred burn into me.
I wanted him. I needed him. Why? Didn’t he see that?
He starts to walk away. I follow him.
Men like to lead.
I know where we are going now.
Back to them. To happiness I don’t need.
He can’t stay with you. Do you think he wants to stay with you while you’re all depressed .Cause I don’t think he would?
He wants to be with people who are happy. He doesn’t want to be all heavy and cold today. He wants people who are alive with emotions you can never have. Leave him be with them. You have know right to even think of keeping him longer than he needs to be kept. They have more right to him than you ever will in a thousand years.
He doesn’t want to help you.
Get over yourself.
So I do. We walk until we get there in silence. I can’t take anymore talking anyway.
The laughter hits like a hurricane.
They are his happiness.
Not you.
So he smiles. His smile and his perfect eyes shine like they do in my thoughts.
Why can’t I make him smile like that?
The sun still hides under the clouds.
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